Inside Sane

Decay starts young in the life of a girl with defeating circumstances. Constant pain festers in her heart, becomes rooted and produces destruction. In her search for liberation, Stephanie Maddox sold her soul to a Romeo of heroin and lost herself to the decease of addiction. As this chemical demon took the stage of her life, yesterday's hurts faded with each injection. Lost in a barren wilderness, she heard God's call and realized her need for a savior. This heart rending journey to Calvary is depicted by colorful art and lyrical verse composed by the author while she was imprisoned in addiction. She was a girl screaming for any sweet sense of Life. She captivated in her mind the miseries of what was and formed her whole being around it. Addiction was second best to her infinite sorrow, a gaping hole, an absence of soul and coldness of heart. Screaming, I said! She was screaming for any prick of feeling that didn't evoke the darkness she was. The mold that was set out for her as a child had its moments of normalcy marred by chaos and some tragedy. She tried to hold on to the pieces. Happiness slipped right through. The one consistency in her life was pain. Marked by loss, marred by abuse, measured by life and it all added up to one equivalent. = Anything to make her NOT feel. She found this in breaking skin just to watch herself bleed. She found this in any altered state of mind induced by some seemingly sweet chemical. Found moment to moment, these devices kept her searching for the next quick feel. Because no matter how sweet the pleasure that enwrapped her body after each injection, the deficiency that was in her soul would never be filled! Or so she thought! Comfortable with her sickness, with her deficient heart and black soul, with the idea that a junkie would be all she would ever be, she surrendered in defeat at what her life had become. But little did she know this is where God had her for one purpose-to change her and mend all the brokenness that only He could fix.